I woke up in the rain....

......the rumble of thunder reverberated through the ground under me. Another flash. Lightening seemed to burn in to my eyes. As consciousness seeped in to my being, I realized I was wet - my back, my legs. Oh damn, the tent has a hole in it!!

The deep feeling of loneliness grew more palpable with the knowledge that my safe haven was against me. So much for the idea of running away to the wilderness to collect my thoughts, have some peace, do some reading and writing, and give myself a good stern talking to. Now it seemed obvious that The Plan would have to be abandoned and I would have to go home. My heart sunk.

No one was there. Wouldn't be for another 5 days. My time away was to have been double that. It was part of the deal. There wasn't money enough for me to get a room for all that time. And that was contrary to the whole idea of me getting away to collect myself. To find myself. To take many deep breaths in order to steel myself to continue to live my life.

No one was around. Not a soul within hearing distance. And who would hear me if I did have a much-desired tantrum? Who would hear against the raging patter of sheets of cold rain? Against the wind that threatened to tear the tent from over me? More lightening. I jumped. The tears began to flow freely down my cheeks and I didn't bother to wipe them away or blow my nose. I wallowed self-pityingly. Why not? It WAS unfair! I had worked for MONTHS on this plan. Had practically threatened that if it didn't come to fruition something more drastic was bound to happen. I finally got my way. And yet......now it was crashing down around me, my plan to reclaim my grip on my life.

I yelled. And yelled. And screamed. And cursed. And threw anything dry back into my back pack. Got dressed hastily. Grabbed my cash and the most valuable of my belongings. My car keys. Put on my rain jacket, a baseball cap, and steeled myself for the onslaught of water that would hit as I ran to the car. My more logical self tried to calm me, to make me wait at least until the rain wasn't coming down so hard; but I wouldn't listen. I was inconsolable and stubborn. And completely bereft of a plan......