I know I know, been awhile. Pull up a chair.

Hi!

Okay, I know it's been awhile. But my life kind of had to go through a metamorphosis and then get to a comfy place before I could write again - and have it be more than just whining, poor me, or about my life. I am not about to start clarifying who did what or how things went down; not in this creative, thinking, cathartic place of mine. So therefore I needed the very long break.

And now. Now my head is sorting itself out and I find there are things ruminating up in there that I might want to write about again. Eat, Pray, Love is one of them. But I'm not finished the book yet so I'll be back for that one.

Maybe it was.....well a week or so ago I had a little meltdown. And maybe that was brought on by hormones (blessed be PMS) or maybe it wasn't, but I just couldn't shut up when I should. I couldn't finish a conversation well over and done (sorry Mark), and I just got myself more and more worked up. So I felt myself taking all these fears I have swirling around in my head and turning them in to three pages of "what if" prose; a short story about what the worst things that could happen if I ever went off the deep end of things. And it was amazing. It set me free. I wrote it and re-read it and cried. Twice. Then I named it and sent it to myself and put it away. I told Mark I wrote it but I didn't tell him what was in it and (bless him) he didn't ask.

So after I did that, I got really into reading again, which is another thing that sets me free, especially this particular book (thank you Diane). And so maybe THAT is what brings me back today.

Because in Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about being happy for the simple things, and about how impossible it is to NOT be miserable as a matter of course in today's society. Now I know I am not blogging about this book per sé, but I guess in an indirect way it's why I'm here. So bear with me.

I guess I've just been doing my best to relax about some things. Really try to make "if it is meant to be it will be" my mantra. Really trying to not drive anyone, especially myself, crazy. In so doing, one tries to remind themselves to really grab those little moments. Capture them. Like when your little guy is trying with all his might to master a somersault and you just really concentrate on it all so that you can remember the moment always.

So today I wasn't feeling all that great and I was certainly tired. But I came to work and then I kept my commitment to teach Pilates at noon. This is something I've been doing about 5 months now on a larger scale than I was. I teach anyone from this organization who wants to join. I proudly have over 40 signed waiver forms for participants though I certainly don't ever have 40 in the room at once. In the heart of the summer we've been lucky to have a dozen practicing, including me. But these are pretty respectable numbers for summer, so I've been happy enough. And it's been wonderful to "teach" again, to use prompts I didn't need to use with the 7 regulars.

So today, not feeling all that great, and probably not feeling all that grate-ful, I paused to look around the room at the ladies doing their leg-lifts. And I had one of those moments. Pause and take the picture, Karen. Look at them! Not a single one is rushing it; they have nice length, they are hovering off the floor like pros.

I smiled to myself and continued to watch periodically through the rest of the "legs portion" of our workout. Again when it came to leg circles for inner thighs I watched; I've really been coaching on this one because it's a hard move and if you do it wrong not only are you not targeting your inner thighs, but you could hurt your knees.

And lo! They were brilliant! Each and every one of them was just doing their best! Absolutely getting it right even if it was the slowest or the smallest circle possible.

My eyes opened as if I were seeing the colours in the room for the first time. I felt real gratitude for being there at that moment. I was so glad they were coming, entrusting me with their physical well being for an hour a couple of times a week.

And at the end of the class I applauded THEM.

So. Yeah. That's why I'm back. I think. I guess time will tell! But as you ALL know, I have loads to say! So, let's see where we are, shall we? (Oh, and thank you for taking the time to read this!)

namasté

k